Goodbye 2007

Just about 8 Years ago we thought the world was gonna end.

Y2K we called it.

So much for optimism.

I have high hopes for the New Year.

I'm just gonna live this year through, see what happens, hope it's great and it will be this time again next year before we know it.

Also, a note about 2008. As many may know, it's a Leap Year. That means one extra day, one extra chance to do great or fuck up, I'm planning to use that day well.

So Happy New Year everybody.
Be safe.
Take care.
See you in 2008, or about 50 minutes.

Love,
Erick

[Realization] Happy X-mas (My War Against Myself Is Over)

The way I had been acting was insane.
I realized that.
I will act differently and in fact, I already am different.
Nothing of what I had become will ever come back.
It took all this to show me, and it was perhaps the worst way to realize, but it happened and it's helped me sooo much.

I wait now.

This year was one of the most fluctuating years I have ever had and I hope for a great New Year.

We'll see what happens.

This might be my last post (maybe second to last, depending on how I feel within the next couple weeks) of 2007.

Thanks to all who have read, will read and do read and follow this blog.

Happy Christmas everyone.

Have a Happy New Year, be safe.

Take care.

See you in 2008.

Love,
Erick

What Would Have Been Twenty-One

Today would have been Twenty-One.
I'm not going to forget that...ever.

I had a pretty good day today.
It was pretty fun.
I felt happy, for the most part.
But there's still that piece of me that's missing...
I know where it is, but it's not about getting it back, but more so going on without it and hoping I can get it back later.

I'm still not sure how I'm going to do this, but I suppose I've got to...don't have much of a choice.
At times it seems almost impossible...well, actually, at times it seems completely impossible.
At other times, I stop and think, "I can do this..." only to contradict myself later.
Time will do everything. It will tell, it will fix, it will "heal", but it will never make me forget or feel any differently than I do.

Those feelings will never go away, but I must stow them away for hopeful future use.

As for now...

I have to live...or at least try to.

Decided

I am no longer split in two, but rather I am one again.
I've realized what I want, what I need.

I thought I wasn't lonely, and, I know I wasn't, but there was still something missing inside of me that will always be missing inside of me because it belongs with her. It will be missing until she returns with it. I say until to be hopeful because, obviously, she may not return, but I don't live in a world of 'ifs'.

Commonly asked questions.

"What if you had a million dollars?"

Well, I don't.

"What if you were famous?"

Well, I'm not.

Sure, it is possible to get there, so ask me again if I'm ever there.

I know what I want.
I will rephrase that...
I know what I want that I can have, things I want to do that I can do.
If I had what I wanted, I wouldn't have had any dilemma to begin with.

I am decided.

I am hopeful.

Well, These Bones Are Mere Accessories

Not too long ago I discovered a band called Envy on the Coast. They're an amazing band and their debut album came out in August and I was fortunate enough to see them at Warped Tour in August. I hadn't heard them, only heard of them, but they blew me away at Warped. I just picked up their album recently and to say the least it is amazing. But in particular, there is a song on it called "The Gift of Paralysis" that has me really hooked cause it hit me like..bullseye. The way I've been feeling, the way I feel and a feeling that I want to resolve however I do that. I honestly hope everything turns out great, no matter how it turns out, I just want it to be good.

But mainly in the song, these are the lines that really hit me the most.

To
own
a
he♥rt
that's
ha/lf
of
yours

These
bones
are
mere
accessories

Throwing Punches
at
Ocean Waves

Wait...

For how long?

Of all the bumps we had come over
we had never come across a pothole
but this time
we have
and I have fallen in.

Words have been said,
mistakes have been made,
I am sorry is not to make up for anything
(because I know I can't)
but rather
to let know you that I truly am sorry.

Realization
I fucked up.
Simple as that.

I am truly sorry.

Wait...
but for how long?

However long it takes
Life may end at any given moment
but I've got forever.

Time, befriend me.

Matter Over Mind

To set your mind above and beyond.

Mind over Matter.

But it's my heart that matters

Heart>Mind

I will give up my logical reasons to live
for the seemingly illogical true love in my heart any day.

It's been a while...again...

I find myself with less and less to say lately.
My mind has been betraying me and I'm afraid my words will do the same.
I don't take my own advice...well..I do, but only to a certain extent.
Me alone equals not good cause no matter how much I tell people to not think about things, things get thunk about and the end results are confusion and frustration often accompanied with reddening eyes.


Unintentionally, a lot of things have gone Siamese on me and no matter how much I tell myself one thing, no matter how true it is, there is another thing to accompany it, that is also equally as true, but just sort of turns things into a complex series of patterns that just keep repeating and repeating in my mind and in my heart.

I am split in two
past and present
one left behind
one to move on
I am scared
I am lonely
I am sad
I am happy
I am ecstatic
I am not lonely anymore

where does it go?
It goes where it wants
But where does it truly want to be?
It wants to be where it should.
But where should it be?

Everything in the world is great.
I can't be alone
if I'm alone
I remember how unfair this world is
but how great this world is as well.

I don't know
but I do know
but I don't
I will know...

eventually.