.plug.

I have a friend. His name is Marcus. Much like me, he had an idea for a sort of chaptered kinda story, only his is in epic-like poem form and..um..well...done.

Here's a link to his blog: http://erohedjournals.blogspot.com/ (or in other words, here's a link to your blog Marcus, I think only you read this.)

Anyway, anyone who does read this, check it out. Marcus (Moose) is awesome.

Anyway, here is the link to mine. http://anamsjourney.blogspot.com
Once I get it started, I'll start posting chapters, parts, pieces, whatever.

Thank you.
.erick.

Who Am I and Who Should I Be?

I'm starting to question myself now, because one person said something and it really hit me pretty hard. I don't know what to do now. Is who I am just to be taken as a joke? No one takes me seriously. I say something serious, and people think it's a joke. What is left of me...? I don't think I can redeem myself from this. All my life it's been like this, and now I think I finally know why. But then what am I supposed to do? People don't take me as who I am, they all take me as what I am, which apparently is a fucking joke. Ignore everything I am. Don't take me seriously. Look past me to someone who will do something better than I ever will, and with a serious attitude, nonetheless. How do I come across to you? That kid who likes to make jokes just because? Or or, let me rephrase that: That kid who likes to make stupid bad jokes that makes nobody laugh, in fact, it just makes people walk away and not want to talk to me anymore. Don't lie to me, if there's something I do or make or create, like something I write, such as a story, or poem or song, or something I say that is just stupid, tell me what you think. I don't care what it is that you say, all I care is that you say something. Don't fight for words to form lies to say, "Oh, uh, yeah, it's good, I like it." Tell me what you think, if you don't like it, it doesn't mean that it's horrible, or maybe it is, but it doesn't mean I am going to hate you or be mad at you for it.

Ah, I just...I need to be taken more seriously, but am I to abandon things that I believe in order to be taken more serious, in order to live life according to a standard? I don't want a standard to live by.

I want people to know who I am and what I can do. I want people to see me as more than just the stupid kid who likes to make fun, crack lame jokes no one laughs at, talk all the time because he feels he has to, give his opinion on something just because he wants to contradict you, etc.

The other day, I was sitting at a table and a girl walks up and asks, "Hey, do you play guitar?"

I respond, "Yes."

"Oh, yeah, it is you. I just wanted to say I've heard you, you're really good. You're sorta famous around here." She said to me. (Something along those lines, not an exact quote)

I have no idea who his girl is. I don't think I had met her before, but it was nice to have something like that said to me. It makes me think all my hard work hasn't been a waste. She knows me as the kid who can do something, he can play guitar pretty well. Alas, that's just because she doesn't know me as the stupid annoying kid who thinks he has to talk and joke all the time, because that just seems to make everybody else forget or ignore everything else about me.

She doesn't know who I am, nobody knows who I am. I am not that kid who likes to crack lame jokes that no one laughs at, talk all the time just because he has to, give his opinion to you just cause he wants to contradict you or anything.

I want somebody to know who I am.

There Are Times.

There are times when people seem like they are having the most fun, maybe they are.
I hope so.
It's makes me worry less.

Times get tough.
Make the most of them.
Make them awesome.

Sometimes you may feel worse than you actually are or in a moment that you feel like that. To change help change that would feel great.

Havin' fun. Stayin' alive. Word.

Slightly Worried.

This is different.

I never...well, hmm..

I'm not entirely sure how to put this or even approach thoughts to this.

I feel like I could do so much more to make things so much better but I am not even sure where to begin. Up until this point, everything seemed pretty good and now I'm worried. These feelings that I was unaware existed exist to a greater extent than I had previously assumed. While I selfishly gorge away at the bountiful fruit of life that lays in front of me, there are others who teach us the proper way to peel the fruit, to make it taste it's very best while theirs sits there ripening to a prime and slowly beginning to rot, so by the time they take a bite, what was once a delicious treat has thus became nothing more than a bruised and aged piece of fruit that they polish with the front of their shirt to make it look shiny and pleasantly edible. Instead, it's not what it really seems to be. How can I do something...can I do something? Do I look for the variables and calculate if there is anything I can do based on what information I accumulate and document. Is it dependent on a certain event that I am unaware of happening? Or is it independent of the surrounding world and the only answer can truly be found within the being itself? I'm not going to ask any questions unless I feel I need to, but I still am slightly worried, and I hope there is never a need for me to become very worried.

I am much more than what people think I am to them.
If I am needed, I am here.

Babyshambles.

Pete Doherty is one fucked up person.
Anyway.
That was just a random thought because "Babyshambles" just randomly came to my brain.

Welcome to 2008.
This is my first post of the year.
Being the lazy bum that I am, January and nearly half of February have gone by without a single word, but alas, I haven't forgotten about my journal, as previously stated, I'm just a lazy bum who hasn't updated it.

January provided a lot of events.
The repair of something I thought was broken and lost forever, but was instead my impatience and pessimism getting the best of me. Some awesome new songs by an awesome band that I am very fortunate to be a part of. A car accident. 1 amazingly fun concert and 1 just plain amazing concert. School is actually kinda cool now. The amount of homework I get is very minimal and pretty much can be summed up in a pages I need to (but don't) read.
February
I have job now. My defective phone defected and erased everything, including my pictures and contacts, and after being able to drive it for the past two, which was perhaps a bad idea that led to this occurrence, my car's radiator kicked the bucket.

Today was my first day at work. I thought it was pretty cool.
I really need my car fixed. When you start driving, you depend on your car. It's weird when you don't have it around or can't use it to get places. It's like...well, everything is messed up now cause I can't drive. I'm hoping it's fixed by next week.
I want something sweet to eat.
I will be starting some kinda story thingy and putting the parts up in a new blog. I will post the links to each part in this blog once I begin so whoever even looks at this blog can read it.


I guess I'll start posting on this again, so farewell for now until my next post.